It is one thing to get away from the people who hurt you. It is quite another to try and run away from yourself, by keeping busy, swamping yourself with projects, activities, hobbies etc. Back in campus, I have some crazy ass pals who make me laugh every single day. And laughter for me is like a drug- makes me feel greeeeeeat for a day, or week or month! It makes me forget I have ever been depressed or that I have never really healed.
But being on holiday away from those pals has made me realize one thing: I cannot run away from issues that I have never resolved. I can make excuses for my regular insomnia or oversleeping. I can make excuses for why I feel sad from time to time- shit! I can even make excuses for when I cry for no reason! I always an answer! Always!
So a few days ago, after speaking to myself and finding out I have unsolved issues, I took a depression test which informed me that I could still be suffering from the aftermath of my major depression back in high school. I suspected as much so no surprise there. I mean, I have improved a great deal but still. Anyway, turns out I have a particular type of depression.
I didn’t know such a word existed till yesterday when I read about it in several sites. Dysthymia is a chronic type of depression and the sites explained exactly what I have been undergoing!SCARY!
I was tempted to call it “just some other internet crap” but I realized, whether absolutely accurate or not, it really is about time I dealt with issues I have with my life!
I know a great many people older than I am who still suffer the wounds inflicted on them when they were teens! I don’t intend to live till fifty and still cry over something that happened to me when I was fifteen! That will just be pathetic of me!
So with all the time I have on my hands, before I go back to my crazy pals who make life easier to bear, I think I had better start helping myself. Heaven knows life is full of crap and it don’t get any easier. If I don’t deal with demons from my past, they will just pile and swamp me!
So that’s it!
They say the first step towards positive change is admitting the problem. I have and this is it.
N.B. – if you know of any resources I can read for self help, please help a chic out! Anyone out there who is like me check this out: