TURNING POINT

I want to cry
I should cry!
It’s good to grieve I know
But the tears won’t come!

Only my heart aches
Dull and throbbing
Like a headache
That’s not splitting enough
To pop a pill for

My heart aches
And my mind speaks
The mantra I have been living on
These past three months

“Its better than nothing…
Less is better than nothing”

Over and over again
Till I realize
How dishonest it is

ty56y

I have reduced myself
To being satisfied
With what I get
Not what I want

It is not a good thing
Not for me
Contentment with little
I feel
Is living less
Dreaming less
Learning to crawl
Because wings are too expensive
To purchase

I have done it-
Crawling-
These past few months
I have tried to pretend
I could be a parrot
Live inside a cage
And be satisfied
With nuts fed to me

I shall pretend no more

I am no crawler
I am not satisfied
With promises and hopes
And mantras of
“Its better than nothing”

I am not content
With straws

I am afraid
I want too much
And have too little

How long till I get
That which I most desire?
And am I a waiter
Or a getter?

I am afraid of the lengths
I’d go to
To get what I want

I am afraid too
I’ll live life no other way
I know myself too well

I will never be satisfied
With straws

jty6

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