WHAT IF I NEVER WOKE UP?

I have been having really weird dreams (aren’t all?!). A few nights ago I had a particularly disturbing one that prompted me to seek its meaning etc. I still haven’t found the full meaning yet but I understand some of it now. It also prompted me to start a dream journal and possible interpretations of each. I have so far managed to recall many of my past dreams- many having the same theme.

There’s a time I thought dreams could show me the future or offer answers to my questions but now I find that they make me ask myself more questions! And I don’t really like that part.

I realize that my dreams point to unresolved issues –in my case causes and effects of my depression. Being okay living with depression means having a huge burst of energy and happiness for a month or two, get great things done, then dropping back to depression. And while this is a cycle that I have been okay with for a long time, I recently asked myself, what if I dropped into depression and never came out again? What if I lay in bed waiting for that burst of energy and it never came?

That’s my hugest fear cuz when I am depressed I don’t care about anything! I don’t care about anything or anyone- even myself and what I love. I care about NOTHING but my need to just be left alone and not deal with anyone or anything.  Hibernating is possible for bears, not humans. Life cannot just stop till you feel like getting up and doing something.

And I am a huge fan of pushing people to make a change about something they aren’t happy about in their life.  My weird dreams voice my worst fears and tell me to do the same. perhaps it is time I underwent depression diagnosis and therapy.

sunflower_wilting

 

Finding such a hospital in Kenya was such a hustle! I found one though; if under the same situation, here is a hospital where you can go for diagnosis. If you know any other place do add it in a comment or email.

KAREN SURGERY – Call 0724840246 to ask about charges and booking an appointment.  (They have a really nice receptionist 🙂 )

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