AWESOME HEAVEN/HELL JOKES!

Three men died and were taken by God to the top of a cliff. God said to them that since they had been such great outstanding citizens of Earth that they would be given one chance to become anything that they desired.

The first man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and shouted, “I want to be an eagle.” Instantly he was changed into an eagle and soared off into the sunset.

 

The second man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and shouted, “I want to be an owl.” Instantly he was changed into an owl and soared off into the sunset.

 

The third man ran towards the edge of the cliff, tripped on a rock, and shouted, “Oh shit …”

 —————————————————————————————

 

 

A bad person dies and is greeted by Saint Peter.  Peter tells the man he must choose between three hells.

 

The first hell is very hot and he sees a lot of people burning in fire. The next hell is freezing cold and he sees people shivering and clamoring. In the third hell, he sees people standing in crap up to their waist but they look quite happy. They are drinking a cup of coffee and are chatting with each other. So the bad person says to Peter, “I choose the third hell with all the people standing in crap up to their waist.”

 

So Peter admits the bad person to the third hell. He gets a cup of coffee and feels quite comfortable. Suddenly he hears a beep from a loud speaker that says, “Attention. Attention. Coffee break is over. It’s time to stand on your head now.”

 ———————————————————————————————-

 

 

 

A guy dies and goes to the gates of heaven where he meets God. God says to him, “I have looked at your book of life and you are welcome in heaven under one condition.”

 

The man said, “Yes, God. And what is that condition?”

 

God says, “You must spell the word: love.”

 

The man spells the word and God lets him into heaven.

 

As the man walks in, God tells the man to watch the gate until he returns, and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell the word.

 

After a short period of time, the man’s wife shows up at the gate.

 

“What are you doing here?” he asks her.

 

“Well,” she snorts, “on the way home from the funeral, there was an accident and I died.”

 

“Alright, but before you enter heaven you have to spell one word,” he told her.

 

“What word is that?” she asks.

 

“Czechoslovakia,” he says.

 

 

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http://near-death.com/jokes.html

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. mark says:

    Did you hear about the dyslexic Devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

    Excellent Hellen, you made my day by making me laugh a lot. It looks very much like that when we die we are both going to hell, if you get there before me then I expect for you to have a cup of coffee ready for me when I turn up (and a joint, if possible). Many thanks

    1. hellenmasido says:

      Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Hell is not my destination I tell you. By then, I’ll have time traveled back to undo this whole thing called life. But I could make arrangements for the joint though- I know a guy 😉

    2. hellenmasido says:

      Ah! And now I do know about the dyslexic devil worshipper (P.S- had to Google it first but don’t tell. I’m still a little smart!)

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