I used to say that I am partially pro-choice (if there is such a thing). Abortion is wrong even in my eyes. It’s just one of those things I am willing to pay the price for if push comes to shove. Rape was a huge factor in the partiality but I was always for the idea that if a chic got pregnant from her own carelessness, she should keep it. At least that’s what I told myself I’d if I got careless.

Then one day, confronted with a pal’s situation of pregnancy, I thought of myself in that situation and truth be told, I wouldn’t keep the baby. IF (IF…is a hypothetical situation. Don’t preach!) I got pregnant right now and I had no means of looking after my child without being a beggar and depending on someone’s good will, I would definitely not have it. #truth

I once jokingly said that I am so scared of babies that I could abstain from sex if that’s what it takes! Actually, that’s how far I’ll go if that’s what it takes!

I have seen many chics, pals, family etc get a baby they hadn’t planned for and its like- “oh well- the baby’s here, might as well make it worthwhile”. In fact, most people I know or have heard of have gotten babies by “accident”.

To have a child demands commitment.  The kind I don’t have.

And when I thought about it seriously yesterday, I realized that I have never envisioned myself having kids. I have never contributed to the discussion of “what would you name your first kid?”.  The moment I think about a baby, I feel screwed.

I realize that I never want kids. N.E.V.E.R.  I don’t take abortion lightly so I intend to do everything that I don’t get a baby “accidentally” like so many people do.

Most people around me know I don’t want kids at the moment or near future and they keep saying  that I’ll change my mind and all that shit.

They don’t know how far I am willing to go to make sure it never happens.


3 thoughts on “BABIES? YIKES!

  1. We share the same fear, it has even made fear sex for the fear of being trapped by a woman but the exception is, I LOVE KIDS; I work with them, organizing children birthdays brings me closer to them, my work involves them and thus I came to love kids so much. But still, fear having one of of my own.
    Will I be able to b responsible enough?
    Will my life change much?
    What about the committance, will I let them down?
    So many questions to wonder,
    Support you on “lets wait for the right time”

  2. Helen, you remind me of myself. I too was vehement about kids and marriage, but then I dealt with all my shitty issues and here I am, married with 2 kids. I totally understand where you’re coming from, and as for those plonkers out there who get pregnant…there’s NO EXCUSE!! Plenty of forms of contraception out there. They’re just irresponsible. But, you, my dear, you are wonderful 🙂 xox

    1. hehe! i don’t know how long it will take me to deal with my shitty issues! And that’s what scares me. Plus I cant really handle being needed all the time! I love situations I can say no to. Having kids means I cant take them back or give them up. That thought alone makes me feel trapped.

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