THE FART

I fart. In front of him! And that’s not the worst part.

We were fucking!

One moment we are front to back, and I am moaning and he’s kissing my back and neck. And then he slams into me real good and deep.

And then I fart!

He stilled, as did I; mortified! Like what the fuck! Did I just fart? And much as he had stopped moving, I could feel him shaking on top of me. Was he laughing?! WAS HE LAUGHING?!

“Are you seriously laughing?!” I asked and he kissed my shoulder. He wouldn’t stop shaking. Gosh!

Angry and embarrassed, I told him to get off me and when I squirmed from under him, he rolled to the side clutching his ribs. I couldn’t even look at him.

“You fart!” he said and kept laughing. If I was white I’d probably be red all over with embarrassment. And he was being so selfish! How could he be laughing at me now?!

Great sex aside, I was so mad all I wanted was to get out of his place! Thank God it was morning! A Saturday morning; this was supposed to be a lazy day for us! So much for my morning glory!

My dress hung in his shelf, on top of his heap of clothes. His untidy heap of clothes! Jerk! Not that I’m the neatest person but still. Oh gosh! What if he told someone! Shit! What if he made a joke of it sometime in front of our pals?!  Shit! Shit! Shit!

I dressed fast and turned to look for my underwear. He had sobered and sat up, looking stupefied. He was still at 12 noon! The bastard! He’ll know how to get himself back down!

“You cannot be serious…” he said quietly though his eyes were still twinkling with amusement. He was still laughing at me!

I stare around looking for my panties and I spot them on the far corner of the bed about the same time Vin does. He quickly reaches for them as soon as I take one step towards the bed. Then he looks at me and grins like a gecko! Like it’s a game!

“Give me my panties!”

“No.”  He says then begins smiling and I can tell it’s not because he got to my underwear first. It’s the fart! Argh!

I can walk without underwear. I CAN walk without underwear! What I can’t stand is another minute here with him getting the kicks out of my embarrassment.

I pick my sling bag from his book-filled and food-strewn table, and then walk to the door. I hear him scramble behind me and soon as a pry the door open, he closes it again from behind me.

“Are you serious right now?” he asks.His smile is lost and I can hear the incredulity in his voice. He really is surprised; I realize when I turn to face him. He’s still naked and I don’t like the fact that I have very little space to myself. I look away.

“You’re such an asshole,” I say and bite on my inner cheek.

He snorts, “At least I am not the one who walks out in the middle of fucking,” he tips his head to the side, “just cuz I fart!”

Then he snickers with a poorly suppressed laugh. Is he serious?!

I hit his face with my sling bag and he yelps, reaching his hands out to protect himself. He is still laughing and to my mortification I also start laughing. Why am I laughing? I should make him pay for not being sensitive to my embarrassment! Argh! I hit him again but it’s a feeble strike because I am still laughing.

I think he takes this as an invitation because he folds me against him as I thrash against my sling back behind to hit his head. He manages to get a hold of it and throws it past the sheet strewn bed. And he kisses me on the cheek, but I swat and wiggle from under him to face him. He is conveniently standing in front of the door, blocking me.

I glare at him. He folds his arms around him. I am not going to laugh! No laughing! This is the moment of truth and I will make him pay for laughing at me!

I am in the process of putting my thoughts into perspective when idly, my eyes stray downwards. He has shrunk. I laugh inwardly and he covers his dick with both hands like he has read my thoughts. I stare up at him and he glares back, mortified!

“Seriously?” he asks and I realize I laughed aloud.  I have always found naked men funny- especially when they are shrunk cuz…I don’t know. They just look forlorn and sad!

And that makes me laugh even harder!  I cover my gags and walk back to the bed to sit as my laughter subsides. I really shouldn’t have laughed and my first instinct is to say I am sorry but then I stop myself and think; he also owes me an apology first. I know I fart…argh! The embarrassment is back! I can’t believe I fart! The only people I’ve ever fart in front of are my family! FAMILY! And now it happened in his presence and he freaking laughed! Fuck! I also put my arms about me in defiance. He must apologize first.

He raises one eyebrow and I raise mine back. Then in the silence, I hear the unmistakable sound of a fart. And it’s not from me.

I snicker, a small laugh escaping. Then I glare at him, “did you just…”

“You see! You also laughed!” he accuses.

And I want to justify my laughter but it was all so unexpected that every time I try to talk I laugh again. I feel a little stupid for wanting to walk out now.

He smiles and comes to bed and pushes me back on the mattress then straddles and stares down at me.

“Now we’re even,” he says his arms at either side of my head, “and you owe me an apology.”

“What for?” I stare up at him, “You laughed at me first.”

“You laughed too!”

“Yours was deliberate!”

“Are you saying I have an endless supply of fart? Cuz that’s offensive.”

I cant help my laughter but he must apologize first! I won’t make the first move. Not this time.

Vin caves, “Well okay I shouldn’t have laughed.  Its very rare for you to embarrass yourself and come on! It’s by default; everyone laughs when another farts!”

I wince and close my eyes but I already feel less embarrassed. To be fair, we are now even.

“Just so you know, you won’t hear the end of it for quite some time,” He adds and I glare at him.

“I will tell everyone how small you are when you’re shrunk!” I threaten back and he crinkles his face.

“Yeah like that counts. I’m not truly that small and you know it,” he says arrogantly and smirks. I reach my arm out to hit him and he catches my hand and pins it down, along with the other one. I expect him to bend down to kiss me but he just stares at me waiting.

“You seriously have ego issues,” I point out and he shrugs non-committal.

“What can I say? I get kicks from having you at a disadvantage,” he admits, let’s go of my hands and keeps waiting. Oh gosh! I roll my eyes.

“Okay! I’m sorry!” I mumble begrudgingly.

He peers down to me his left ear to my face, “Say what now?”

“Sorry!” I say louder and push his head away.

“Good” he says and smiles.” Now where were we?”

He takes my arms, pins them above my head and then kisses my neck which always makes me giggle.

Then bites my ear and says “Just don’t fart again…cuz I’ll definitely laugh and I can’t have you walk out when I’m…you know…”

I laugh even harder.

“Besides…I don’t think I can manage another fart to make you feel better, right now.”

And I get laughing so hard, engage him in a power struggle we both won’t compromise and finally having fallen to the floor struggling against and tugging at each other, we decide breakfast would be a pretty great idea.

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. Tash says:

    Haha! funny Hellen! And oh so embarrassing.

    1. hellenmasido says:

      i know, right?! i would die with embarrassment! 😀

  2. wambuiihura says:

    hahahahha

    i don’t know if am laughing this hard at you or him at this point….

    Nice to see this AMAZING piece just when am back!!!! i sure do miss you even more 🙂

    1. hellenmasido says:

      hahaaaaaaa! if this happened we would NEVER mention it EVER! lol

      1. tenshambi says:

        been a silent stalker….okay
        follower to yo blog bt this….this
        killed me. had to comment on it.

        1. hellenmasido says:

          Lol! Hello Tina! Glad you broke the silence! It took a fart eh? 😀

          1. tenshambi says:

            clearly, the fart did the magic

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