Hurting someone I don’t like is usually a temptation too great to ignore. In the dark confines of my mind are psycho movies in the making, about the things I’d make someone go through if they crossed me.

On the grey balanced side of my brain, I don’t really want to kill those people- just teach them a good lesson.  Don’t get on my case just yet. I hurt people with a good cause- I’m never on the offensive- I’d never start a fight- (I hate fighting). But if someone’s shooting bullets at me, I have no qualms about aiming a bazooka at them.

I’m defensive; Against people who make hurtful, biting comments to make you feel bad about yourself,  get you to tidy up when you don’t want to, or just to vent their anger at you to make themselves feel better.

Now, having lived under such biting comments, I learnt that people don’t get off your case by being ignored. (I tried it trust me!) Some are actually spoiling for a fight! After experimenting, I discovered that people get off your case when you whack them real good. They stab at you with a knife, whack them back with an axe. It’s not revenge or hatred; it’s just teaching someone to be more compassionate. (Yes! It is!) And if they are too stupid to learn their lesson, at least next time they’ll think twice about clawing at you. Win-win.

If you hurt someone quite bad (and I mean an axe whack, not a bullet. That’s cruel > :->) next time they try to be nicer cuz they have no idea where the next axe whack will hit them.


–  This does not apply to friends- even when they turn to assholes. Thou shall not hurt them by secrets told in confidentiality. Thou shall not stoop that low.

– You shall never be the one to offend first. This is helpful only as a defense mechanism.

– Thou shall be creative in your insults. Common offensive words are so cliché someone doesn’t even feel they’ve been poked!

– Thou shall not spend entire days concocting witty insults- unless you plan to write a book about it- otherwise you’ll just turn into a bitter drag like the people you should teach a lesson.

– Thou shall not say things you KNOW will scar someone forever- unless they really need forever to learn a simple lesson. Hurting someone well is all about giving them a mind fuck- not a cancerous brain tumor.

– If you really don’t mind being insulted at that moment, don’t whack back. Some people are just a waste of your oxygen, or too stupid to understand they’ve been whacked and some insults are just trifles that are better to let go.


1- Know the desires of each person you are acquainted to. To some becoming a mummies and wives is paramount. Capitalize on the fact that they’d do anything to be perfect at these roles. If they try to boss and mother you when they have yet to get babies, throw in a comment like “I pity your future kids. You’ll be those mothers that make their kids run away from home.”

Cruel I know, but for bossy types, honestly go fuck yourself. After you make this comment, some will probably brush it aside but when they sleep at night or hear a runaway story, they’ll remember and keep themselves in check. (Doubting themselves). This is good because it hurts them a little and reminds them that they are merely human, like the person they are pissing off. It could be bad if they are scarred for life by doubts about their motherhood skills.

2- Know at least three of your target’s insecurities. I’m all for female empowerment but when it comes to nagging, bitchy types, sista-sista slogans aside. Many females have insecurities about their bodies, their boyfriends, their clothes etc. the body ones are easiest to spot. A past boyfriend they greatly like could be another.  Say something like blaming her recent breakup on her nagging or some bitchy attitude of hers. “No wonder xx dumped you.” Again, it will definitely bite her sometime even if she firmly believes it really wasn’t her fault.

Men are easily hit- sex and their manhood. Problem is most get scarred for life and make stupid actions to prove their manliness so I won’t linger here. But if he’s really an asshole……..

3. Know their backgrounds so you can diss them based on that. I did that on a roommate of mine and it worked like magic! She was always on my case about how I cook crazy food- yes at the coast we use lots of spices and herbs and actually experiment with cooking! Surprise surprise!

She had the guts to severally point out things like herbs in meat look disgusting and turn up her nose saying she could never eat that?!  Like my food looked like dog shit!

“Gosh! Where are you from? Isn’t it boring never trying anything new?” it’s not really a bad statement- it just depends on how you say it and it said exactly what I thought of her.  I think it worked cuz she was from a remote rural area, she was a fresher and was disoriented with the newness of campus. Maybe it will make her doubt and resent her upbringing- maybe it will make her more receptive to different new things. It’s up to her. I did my part and got her off my back.

4.  Never shout it, just say it. “I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!!”   Vs.  “I will kill you”.  No caps, no exclamations- just state facts. Shouting makes it seem like you’re just angry and vomiting useless words. No one will remember them. The aim of a mind fuck is to make someone remember. It also sounds like you’ve thought it through and that’s the truth you’re telling. E.g.

“That is probably how Hitler attacked the Jews before he decided to gas six million of them.”  This is best said quietly to a religious fanatic who is always talking offensively against another religion. No one- especially a religious person, wants to be likened to Hitler. They’ll either shut up or defend themselves. In which case, you’ve steered them away from religious intolerance. And every time they talk against someone different from them, they’ll think of being like Hitler and hopefully shut up. However, it only works if they know who Hitler is. If they are ignorant about such general knowledge, you have a bigger problem on your hands.

Last word

A dysfunctional wheel would get oiled by the owner if it creaked, refused to budge and caused the owner inconvenience. But if the wheel went on working not complaining, what does the owner have to lose by spinning it, unoiled till it crumbles to rusty pieces?

Stand up for yourself one of these fine days and get someone off your back! I dare you! > 😀


4 Comments Add yours

  1. scadden says:

    my rule? when it comes to insults generally, wit is key. Not many people posses it. Ever made a seemingly passive insult at someone and they totally ignore or don’t get it…only for them to call a day later to tell you “haukunishow poa jana btw…” hahaha!

    1. hellenmasido says:

      hahahaaaaaaaa! slow! what a waste of a witty comment eh?!

  2. scadden says:

    ever seen when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object (joker vs batman style) When you meet your match, forget all the above and resort to the good old fist fight (or catfight in your case) and a chic attacking a guy’s sexual ego works only 80% of the time. There’s a huge 20% chance the chic ends up looking/sounding like a whor: “mwanaume aina gani wewe? Unaniweza? Unajua ni wanaume wangapi wameshindwa?” – whore. Period.

    1. hellenmasido says:

      😀 I don’t do cat fights Scad. Like I said, I hate fighting. I’d rather just shoot someone and save my energy #just kidding! But anyhow, 80% is a pretty good bet if you ask me. The 20% of that chic who looks like a whore is that stupid chic who doesn’t know the finesse and patience of delivering a well aimed insult. That’s the kind that just lash out at any give time- in which case they too need a good whack to shut them up. Rule 4- Do not shout. And the creativity part is lost on “Unajua wanaume wangapi wameshindwa?” Who does that and hurts anyone effectively?

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