Journal : December 29, 2015 (1134 hrs)
I read this quote from a movie some years back:
If you want to make god laugh, tell him your plans
And it’s a good thing I don’t subscribe to the god idea anymore, otherwise that would have been another thing to be angry at and show the middle finger to.
As is, this December has been so off the mark from what I’d planned that if I had the energy, I would throw my head back and laugh heartily.
This was the December I was to bum at home and enjoy my five years of campus coming to an end. I was to go to the beach at will, and complete the scripts and concepts I had in preparation for pitching in 2016. My laptop was stolen but I took the loss so well I will forever pat myself on the back for not losing my shit considering the lows I was experiencing.
And to replace the machine, I was to buy a bigger phone so I could comfortably blog on it and even more, I was going to write everything I knew about my hometown, Mombasa as well as document the crazy, wild life (wildlife lol) of Mtwapa.
And from the beginning of December, it’s been one shitty thing after another, and what’s becoming clear is what a slave I am to life’s whims.
The reins basically just got snatched from me and now I’m hurtling blind on rickety wheels in the darkness, in a place I’ve never been to before. And all I can do is wait for an imminent crash or a sudden stop – both outcomes of which are bound to fuck me up in some way.
It’s a good thing I’m making no doomsday predictions like I normally would, because even though life has been giving me shit, it has also given me people that challenge me to look at life with a different pair of glasses. I got the phone I badly wanted without much of a hustle and so even though much of my life seems to be spinning out of control, I have proof that some of my deepest wishes have come through.
I can’t just write everything off as hopeless and life as catastrophic; and I’m glad for stumbling upon helpful apps as well. The one below is called What’s Up (not WhatsApp 😝😝) and it really helps with my thinking patterns. You can get it here if you need to track your thought patterns and get help on the go like I do.
I guess I just need to ride this one out with as little expectation as possible. One day at a time means a whole lot right now and as the year ends, I don’t care much for celebrating. I just need a small break from life. And for the first time in over 10 years, I don’t think I’ll wait for the clock to strike 0001.
This is all I want for the new year.