I haven’t written for the longest time; even in my journal. I have been stable enough to not need to write and I decided I will only blog when the conditions are conducive for me to do so without worrying about my blog being inactive for a month or more. Five years blogging simply because I love it, I smile wisely at links teaching people how to earn from blogging. Once upon a time, that was a dream before I appreciated the amount of work it takes to create a following large and loyal enough to sustain a blogger. And there was the issue of writing for people too.
No matter the place you’re in, the fun stuff you actually want to do comes second where money is concerned; like artists that love drawing but are stuck drawing unexciting portraits of people for some little money. Or a writer that loves writing but whose next paycheck depends on her writing an article explaining the new range of bulldozers a company has and why people should check them out. No matter what you love to do, there’s a shitty spot you have to step in to get to where you want to get.
I have been lucky and stubborn enough to avoid this since my last brush with suicide. I have greatly reduced my expenditure down to only the things I cannot live another day without ; more often that is a movie at IMAX rather than lunch. I have refused to do things I do not want down to my very bones, for the sake of money. I will craft and it may take some to take off but I will try earning from something I actually like!
Granted, I have been in a good place especially after my elder brother got a job. At least now I have something akin to a parachute and no matter how bad things get, I know I won’t drown. That alone serves as a safety net from my unpredictable lows and I’m super grateful for it. My sister will also need me around for much of the next year so at least I will earn my keep without feeling like a free loader.
I’m not in the habit of trusting life though so my crafting business has to work through whatever means, and no matter how much energy it takes to make it pay back.
Written sometime in December 2016