Journal Dec 15th 2016
When the exam coordinator called me sometime this year, to tell me I could not graduate because my units were not in order, I had to sit on the step of our backdoor and take a breath before I was ready to listen to the reasons she had. I’m pretty sure I didn’t listen to much of what she said because in my face I saw yet another year in waiting to graduate. Another freaking year!
After following up with the chairman and at last being informed that even though I had done all my core units and that truly the unit I was yet to do was in very simple terms, a waste of my time and money; it settled in my mind that I was going back to a campus I had come to hate for another unit I did not need.
My first choice was P.E because swimming was in the mix and learning to swim well is long overdue for me. That was until I decided to pass by the fine art department and discovered that a unit in Fabric Design was being offered. The lecturer was super chilled about an outsider taking the unit and so I signed up! And I enjoyed it every bit of the way (I still have mixed feelings about batik though)
And now that the semester is over and I have had time to think of where I am at and where I’d like to be, I have to admit that I truly wasn’t ready to graduate this year. I was in a shitty place and with the expectations people have after you graduate, I’m pretty sure I’d have been in an even worse place if I did. Graduating next year July gives me half a year to build my artistic portfolio without people bugging me about why don’t I apply for that job at that TV station. I don’t have my degree yet, that’s why, and more importantly (not that people really care) I don’t want to fucking work there!
I want to end this year chilled out and having mad fun with the people I truly care about, and I am quite excited to get back to writing and directing films after a two year hiatus! There’s no going back to the place I said I am not ready because I know I am ready. And more than that, I can’t keep taking life for granted telling myself I will shoot that idea next year as if it is promised.
Death has been camping too close to home.