To Laugh

Thoughts of death swirl around my head as soothing whispers promising sweet oblivion. And I have to stop myself from going back to bed and disappearing under the duvet. Sleep is a step too close to the oblivion I seek and yet not close enough. It’s all or nothing for me and so rather than futilely welcome death, I will sit here…

Impressions of Wundanyi

Three things I always look forward to when visiting Wundanyi; the misty evenings, the library, great laughs and peace of mind. The library the tops the list. It rarely has people and has gems of books some of whose last-borrowed stamps read the early 90’s. This saddens me a little because I think books get…

​Faith in Jacarandas

At the flat summit of the caretaker’s pale green iron roof; that place it rises to before it begins to dip on the other side,rises a tree. It is blackish grey now and somewhat just a mass of barren branches swaying. On one of the rare sunny evenings in July, I sat outside facing that very tree and…

Evening Chai

​Morning tea is a ritual. Evening tea however has a certain magic to it. The universe aligns at that first sip of perfectly boiled, perfectly strong, perfectly sugared tea, and in that moment, I know what happy feels. How weirdly good evening tea tastes to me, is how alcoholics feel at the sip of just the…

Growing Up Can Wait

I experience a very healthy respect for life’s unpredictability each time I think of my brother and how turbulent his job search has been. For more than five years, he went from job to school to complete unemployment to whatever job he could earn cash out of, no matter that it had nothing to do with…

The Important Things

Ever since I was told to move out of home at sixteen with no hopes of a career other than whoring, I’ve always wanted a place of my own, constantly. I have aunts whose places it is out of question to not stay the night and longer and yet, no matter how much they would ask…

The Last Letter

I will never forgive you I once told myself Knowing what I do now I know someday I will Were you not the one Who taught me first hand To be different To stand for my values  And stand tall Even if I stood alone You carved out of me A monument of pure steel So acutely hardened Not even…

Ten

I found a letter That turned the ground I sat on To quicksand And slowly sinking Reeling from my find I wonder how you could So easily lie And how lucky for me To never have tried To heal you Your wounds lie deep within And you vibrant color-drenched skin Is a poisonous façade I could never heal you…

9 Years Sober

I haven’t thought seriously of suicide for about 9 years. I did about a month ago; all the way to a sure proof way to get it over with. The tipping point was the death of a child I knew only by association. And I am careful to just be there for people without being…

NINE

If ever we get to a place Where I’m ready to leave all behind And for some reason you want me to stay Like you never did when it mattered And you sit right there beside me Holding onto my hand like you should have All those times I floundered about Plunging from sky to…

EIGHT

You claim it will happen to me too That life deforms us all That I should not be too quick To point an accusing finger at you when questioned So then tell me Is there a demon That takes hold of us When we reach a certain age? Is it in our genes And when…

SEVEN

Don’t say sorry Goodness! Do not From your lips It’s so foreign a word It merely draws a snicker   Like plastic flowers Shamelessly masquerading Without the feel, scent or even look Of that which  they  seek to ape It is mildly insulting That word Sorry   You see   The things you burned We…