Death Wish

Sometimes I deliberately sabotage myself when I know deep down that I  do not want something. There’s a time I wasn’t exactly suicidal but I wasn’t high on life either; and each bus I would go into, travelling over long distances, I would not put on my seat belt. I would consciously remember that it is advisable to put it on but I…

9 Years Sober

I haven’t thought seriously of suicide for about 9 years. I did about a month ago; all the way to a sure proof way to get it over with. The tipping point was the death of a child I knew only by association. And I am careful to just be there for people without being…

To Eat My Cake and Have Yet Another Slice

Last year in December, I almost lost my mother to a home robbery with violence. The neighbors said they found her in a pool of her own blood and were shocked to find her still breathing. I never wanted to hear what exactly happened and each time my mum willingly recounted what had happened to…

How to Win at Love

Three ways In love That you’ll always lose One : to another Another being A man A thing An obsession A dream A chance rashly seized Two: to nothingness To the empty space Of a memory eternally lost Like worlds aged and enduring Swallowed entirely In one go By a single black hole Three and…

NUMB

Is it so bad a thing To want to just sit here Lie here for days on end Until death takes me Each time, I think of a thing I deeply care about A minute later, it passes on Forgotten… Like walking away and never looking back Never even imagining What could have been Just…

A FATHER FORGOTTEN

Mum and dad reconciled when I was 8 years old and in class 3. We lived in Matuga back then and the place was fun for me, most of the time, because I had friends my age both from school and at home. Sundays were a great joy because of pretty Madam Irene who smelled…

OPINIONS OF THE DEAD

Like the fact that Awful things do occur For no apparent reason So I learn too that Only the survivors Get to firmly claim How every calamity Is for a greater good and cause The deceased have no such opinions or testimonials

A LEAVE FROM LIFE

Of all things we may owe Our fellow human beings Do we owe them our lives? Save from needy young ones That we ourselves bring forth Do we owe our lives To any other Are these lives not our own To live and do As we please Choose what battles we may And retreat from…

FOR MY CAT

They found him dead Among the flowers I’m told

HALF

I have seen a mother Mourn her daughter Seen her attempt to stand Her feet caving Eyes cried dry Face torn in anguish Breaking Again and again and again

SUICIDAL UNCERTAINTIES

What if I die And wake once again To a life such as the one I have left behind And  death And birth Are  mere doorways To countless other doors And how many times To self destruct Before I can wilt Into nothingness