Second Times the Charm

Journal Dec 15th 2016 When the exam coordinator called me sometime this year, to tell me I could not graduate because my units were not in order, I had to sit on the step of our backdoor and take a breath before I was ready to listen to the reasons she had. I’m pretty sure…

Sweet Spots And Parachutes

I haven’t written for the longest time; even in my journal. I have been stable enough to not need to write and I decided I will only blog when the conditions are conducive for me to do so without worrying about my blog being inactive for a month or more.  Five years blogging simply because…

Journal: 1st December 2016

I haven’t been writing much even offline. My journal’s last entry must have been sometime in July when I was figuring myself out after my lowest low in years perhaps. I made a pact to try things out and I have been going at them and enjoying them when life isn’t busy wasting my efforts….

Journal : August 9th 2016

I am all over the place right now. I experience bursts of such high energy and creative spurts followed by flat slumps of being a potato. I sleep 8 hours but sleep at 2 a.m which means I’m usually up at 10. I tried to undo this by starting to sleep early, only to end…

August

August saunters in, serene in her grace A soft puffy cloud In a veil the color of the heavens Her iridescent train As far as the eye can see Is spun in silken thread the hue of golden sun   And July unimpressed turns away, pouting With lips purple like death by frost Head loftily…

The Sorrow of Tomorrow

I wear my melancholy like a heavy grey cape Trailing the ground behind me as I go So when the sorrow of tomorrow meets me she knows To meekly weave herself into the frayed thread ends Of those tears her mothers left for her to find That is her place Not loftily perched upon my…

Two and a Half Seasons of Coldplay

  Speed of Sound reminds me of chilly days keeping my sister company while my niece was still unborn. We were both guilt-free couch potatoes waking up to TV and watching as many Fashion Police episodes as our reminders could allow. (Our love for the program died with Joan Rivers. Afterwards, it felt like watching…

Death Wish

Sometimes I deliberately sabotage myself when I know deep down that I  do not want something. There’s a time I wasn’t exactly suicidal but I wasn’t high on life either; and each bus I would go into, travelling over long distances, I would not put on my seat belt. I would consciously remember that it is advisable to put it on but I…

To Laugh

Thoughts of death swirl around my head as soothing whispers promising sweet oblivion. And I have to stop myself from going back to bed and disappearing under the duvet. Sleep is a step too close to the oblivion I seek and yet not close enough. It’s all or nothing for me and so rather than futilely welcome death, I will sit here…

9 Years Sober

I haven’t thought seriously of suicide for about 9 years. I did about a month ago; all the way to a sure proof way to get it over with. The tipping point was the death of a child I knew only by association. And I am careful to just be there for people without being…

Embracing My Nakedness

My second nude photoshoot wasn’t nearly as terrifying as the first. A friend who wants some of hers taken accompanied me- to get a feel of it- so maybe I was in the mentor mode and shit; but for the first time ever, I didn’t mind what shape my breast took. And they do take…

Some Mornings

10.10 Still in bed Hoping perhaps if I stay put The world too will Slow down Let me Breath