To Say “Hi”

I am on episode 4 of 13 Reasons Why. I cannot ingest more than two episodes in one sitting for obvious reasons. And even during the two episodes I watch , I pause sometimes. To think, about the male gaze for example or to imagine how it feels to be objectified as a woman- something…

Crash and Burn

you are a child watching a birdie flapping it’s wings in the throes of death and it is your hope I cannot stand! When it all boils down I will fold; i will always choose death over life Don’t you know? I never sought to heal Only to crash and burn

Remember This

you must never cocoon me when i want to freefall nor cuff my wrists in place when i need both hands to write, to create, to strangle myself remember when the world claims that love holds fast and never let’s go remember this i am yours to love i am no one’s to keep  

An Other Way to Love

i need you to let me walk to the edge of a cliff knowing without a doubt that i will jump off and i need you to let me walk on without trying to stop me can you love me like this?

Death Wish

Sometimes I deliberately sabotage myself when I know deep down that I  do not want something. There’s a time I wasn’t exactly suicidal but I wasn’t high on life either; and each bus I would go into, travelling over long distances, I would not put on my seat belt. I would consciously remember that it is advisable to put it on but I…

9 Years Sober

I haven’t thought seriously of suicide for about 9 years. I did about a month ago; all the way to a sure proof way to get it over with. The tipping point was the death of a child I knew only by association. And I am careful to just be there for people without being…

To Eat My Cake and Have Yet Another Slice

Last year in December, I almost lost my mother to a home robbery with violence. The neighbors said they found her in a pool of her own blood and were shocked to find her still breathing. I never wanted to hear what exactly happened and each time my mum willingly recounted what had happened to…

To Live For Others

Prompt: 1984 You’re locked in a room with your greatest fear. Describe what’s in the room.   **** White. Cushy white all around me makes me damn angry. The bed is cushy, the ground is cushy, the freaking walls are cushy; the damn jacket I’m in is fucking cushy! It’s like being a sharp spiky…

BETTER OFF DEAD

She called me up, yesterday; sweet and jovial as usual- then somewhat hesitant at the end- when she asked whether I was free to meet up for coffee. That she has a nagging issue she’d like to talk about. And thinking of her well being, and wiling as ever, I said of course I was…

Why Do We Still Live?

It’s been long since I thought of suicide, but after writing the above poem about a week ago (Viners? Anyone?) I realized that while years ago I promised myself to see all there is to life instead of just quitting it, suicide, has all along been a kill switch of sorts for me.

NUMB

Is it so bad a thing To want to just sit here Lie here for days on end Until death takes me Each time, I think of a thing I deeply care about A minute later, it passes on Forgotten… Like walking away and never looking back Never even imagining What could have been Just…